Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize