Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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