I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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