I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
