you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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