I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
