I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
