hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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