I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
