the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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