Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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