Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
