Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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