Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he shaved USA in his pubs
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think I sprained my soul last night
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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