I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
