Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize