It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
