No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
