Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
