You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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