I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You need a sexual gate keeper
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
