I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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