he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
