so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
