don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
