I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
