You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Randomize
