I hate all girls vehemently.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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