First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
