I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
