So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
