Do you still have your period?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
