life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
