he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
