this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
