He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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