Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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