we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
