We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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