so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
