she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
