if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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