Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
people are starting to question the shark bite story
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize