mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
