im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
