I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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