Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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