I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
