we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
