he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
