I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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