I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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