Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
