well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
