I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
