So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
