i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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