the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't deserve a penis
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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