There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
