Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
