I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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