her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
