Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
